The Strange English Language

In hopes of finding something funny or interesting to add life back to the blog, I came across this. I figured since this is an English blog, the weird quirks of the English language would be an acceptable topic on which to post. Enjoy! =)

~Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
~When the stars are out, they are visible,When the lights are out, they are invisible.
~If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
~The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
~Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
~How can ‘A Slim Chance’ and ‘A Fat Chance’ be the same?
~How can ‘You’re so cool’ and ‘You’re not so hot’ be different?
~Why are ‘A Wise man’ and ‘A Wise guy’ opposites?
~A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
~The bandage was wound around the wound.
~I did not object to the object.
~The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
~Boxing rings are square.
~A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
~The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
~There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
~Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
~The farm was used to produce produce.
~English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.
~If brother becomes Brethren, why doesn’t mother become Methren?
~If tooth becomes teeth, why doesn’t booth become beeth?
~If one goose becomes two geese, why doesn’t one moose become two meese?
~If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet,And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
~How come Writers write but Fingers don’t fing?And Grocers don’t groce and Hammers don’t ham?
~A box in the plural becomes is boxes.But an Ox in the plural never becomes oxes. (It becomes Oxen).
~A lone mouse can transform into a whole set of mice,But it’s impossible for a single house to become a whole block of hice. (It becomes houses).
~Although the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, we must be grateful for small mercies of the language that the feminine pronouns after ‘She’ don’t become ‘Shis’ and ‘Shim’.
~If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
~A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
~How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
~He could lead if he could only get the lead out.
~They were too close to the door to close it.
~I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
~When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
~You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a languagein which your house can burn up as it burns down,in which you fill in a form by filling it outand in which an alarm goes off by going on.
~It is only in the English language that people recite at a play and play at a recital.
~No sooner had my eye fallen upon the tear in the painting, then this eye of mine began to shed many a tear.
~I was given a number of injections to make the pain number.
~It’s not ridiculous, but entirely sensible to ship by truck and send cargo by ship.
~We are a strange lot to have noses that run and feet that smell.
~The buck does funny things when the does are present.
~I was proven right that I had the right of way.
~How come you never hear of a combobulated, gruntled, ruly, or peccable person?
~Why is it that whether you sit down or sit up, the results are the same?
~Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllable”?
~If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes?
~If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
~The human race has been running for a great many centuries now – but we’re not tired yet.
~The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

Some of these are really lame but I laughed at a few, too. Hope somebody else is as nerdy as I am and at least cracked a smile! =)